After those few days of wonderful
weather old Ho-town put on last week, I was starting to think that I might
possibly miss the place. All those deluded thoughts disappeared with a two hour
delay at the bustling Hobart International Airport. After splitting my time
evenly between the “Food Court” and the “Shopping Centre” (their words, not mine…and
I doubt they’re anyone else’s), an impending three months away became more
appealing in those 7200 seconds than a chocolate-coated Isaac Brock lying on my
bed.
Nothing particularly exciting
happened between leaving Hobart and leaving Sydney, save for the taxi ride into
the city from the airport. How many taxis drivers are there in Sydney? That was
rhetorical, as I’ve Googled it and can inform you it is 22,000. No surprise
that of this 22,000, mum and I ended up with Ray, the most bat-shit crazy of the
lot. He seemed totally normal until one commuter lightly tapped on the back of
the cab to try and make him move off the rank faster. Ray did not take too
kindly to being asked to move, especially by someone of Indian descent.
However, I must stress that Ray is by no means racist…according to Ray. Despite
the fact he yelled at the guy to “GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU BLOODY
MONGREL BASTARD,” amongst other things, each and every xenophobic insult was
followed-up with a “Sorry, girls. I’m not racist.” Just a head’s up, Ray - when
you yell out to someone that they “SHOULD GO BACK TO THE DESERT AND SHERP
CAMELS RATHER THAN DIRECT TAXIS,” that IS kind of racist. And just because you
preface it with “Now don’t get me wrong, I love the blacks and all…” does not
lessen the bigoted sentiment of “…but they should all stick to shooting lions
and turning them into curries rather than telling me how to do my job,”.
Our flight to Prague was on Korean
Air, and included an overnight stop in Seoul. I was always excited by this,
mainly because I love the chance to experience new cultures, and not at all
because hotels usually mean buffet breakfasts. Kaitlyn, on the other hand, was
initially trepidatious about the overlay as she was convinced we were “going to
get ‘nuked'”. Before
you ask, I did explain to her the
difference between North and South Korea but, much like the majority of my
impartment of factual information, it did nothing to appease her melodramatic
fears.
The flight itself was…hot. And I
don’t mean hot like Christian Bale rocking that grey shirt in The Dark Knight,
but hot as in the excessive temperature all but scorched the flesh off my
bones. I realise that I have a tendency to exaggerate, but I am honestly not
exaggerating when I say I had sweat dripping off my forehead. I’m not sure if
perhaps they were trying to acclimatise the passengers to the humidity of their
country, but I’ve been in saunas significantly cooler than that aircraft. By
the time we disembarked, my skin was so oily I'm surprised George Bush wasn’t
sending in US troops to "search for WMDs”.
Luckily, our respective rooms at the
hotel were nice and cool, although putting back-packers up in a five star hotel
is somewhat masochistic as it will provide a cruel contrast with the rest of
our accommodation. After a free buffet dinner, I was shocked that Kaitlyn was
actually quite keen to venture outside the walls of the hotel. The best way to
describe Incheon (on the outskirts of Seoul) is a miniature Vegas with karaoke
instead of casinos. Everywhere we turned there were flashing neon signs and the
heinous warblings of drunken tourists. I’m not epileptic, but even I wasn’t too
far off a seizure. Actually, it probably explains why the airport isn’t
air-conditioned – they use all of the country's power on the plethora of LED
lights in the tourist hotspots.
After that we headed back to the
hotel for a massive app-download with the free wifi, and then hit the sack.
Breakfast was another buffet with an interesting mixture of Western and Korean
cuisine; it was nice to have the option of some raw beef salad to go with my
chips and tomato sauce. Then we were back on the bus to the airport, a free
buffet lunch, and on the plane which is where we are now. We boarded
punctually, and were all set for an on-time departure but ended up sitting on
the runway for an hour and a half due to “air traffic congestion over China”
(which I imagine is probably code for “nuclear testing in the North” – although
I didn’t mention this to Kailtyn). The food has been okay although, much like
my European family, “vegetarian” apparently means “eats chicken and fish” to
Koreans. But steamed rice is nice, as are stale rolls, when they’re served with
unlimited wine and beer. The man next to me appears to have quite a problem
with phlegm which is providing a nice aural accompaniment to the frequent
turbulence we keep experiencing. If I spoke Korean, I’d suggest he get
that checked out before his next long-haul flight where he has to sit next to
strangers.
And that’s about it, thus far…unless
you’d like my critique on the Russell Brand remake of Arthur – it’s
heavy on the non-constructive criticism.
Soon we shall be arriving in the
motherland: home of Becherovka, Absinth and beer. And some culture and stuff.
